Finding strength in one's own words...
Years ago, I wrote this letter to Francy, a dear friend of mine, who was about to make a life change, a long and far trip (she was leaving for my dear Japan).
Some time ago, this friend shared back this letter to me, thinking I might need it.
And she was right...now, as I am about to embark on a change of life, on a long journey that I don't know where it will take me, I reread it and recount it to myself as if I had really written it for myself.
Words that give me the strength and the lightness to leave and, in a totally unexpected way, make me feel like my own best friend. Maybe that's what I need?
November 1904
Another letter, another journey.
More distances being created, more feelings piling up on the tangle of sensations that pile us together. Soon you will begin another adventure. How many Francy's have already sailed through your life?
I value you as I value no one else.
I believe that everything makes profound sense in your life. You have the rare gift of making everything and everyone special. Do not be lost if you think that what you might have wanted to do does not exactly match your choices. You yourself know that happiness is not found in certainties, but in the small steps that you conquer with clenched teeth. Only you know what you carry inside and what you leave behind for this journey. List your life. Look within and you will discover yourself rich and find fields of sunflowers.
I will be here, in the usual place, to support you when you are down, to rejoice when you are happy, to lecture you when you are lost. But still I will be there. You are really important to me. You are the mirror of what I would like to be.
So does a year seem eternal to you? It really isn't. And what does time matter when you know there is no space and time separating the affection of two friends? Is that why the date seems strange. It's a distant past to make you understand that everything has the value we give it. I give time nothing, I hope you don't either. And then your trip will be a success because you will come back and find us here, waiting for you, telling you we missed you. Already I miss you, but with your eyes you will see the land that I loved and you will find me still there. I love you Francy. Enjoy it all, do it for me....
Remember to judge what you have achieved by what you gave up to get it. Give yourself the value you deserve....
It is hard to recognize that happiness is conquered step by step, and it is equally painful to leave the comfort zone we have built for ourselves with certainties and achievements.
As I set out on a long journey, I feel discombobulated, without fixed points, at the mercy of the unknown. I feel I must cling to what is most solid within me but the terror of the unknown is sometimes overpowering.
I told myself to be ready to face my fears, to not hesitate to cry with joy, sorrow and sadness. Being alone for several months and hammering away at introspection can have benefits but can also make you crazy...but I am ready for the challenge.
I am afraid that along the way so many things will not make sense, so many faces, so many places, so many emotions will be left dangling inside without receiving due treatment and without being understood.
But I am sure that when I return, I will be able to focus on all the baggage I have gathered and that even my departure will finally make sense as yet unknown to me.
After all, what is there to lose?
After all,
YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE
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